Well it has certainly been a while since I wrote in my blog. Lately my life has been filled with joy and stress abounding. I was delighted to finally close on my house and get all moved in before Christmas and blessed to be able to marry my best friend on Christmas Eve. Things were a bit stressful around here trying to get boxes unpacked and get everything organized before our wedding in our living room in front of our Christmas tree.
I have found myself beyond happy at this time in my life and I have been reflecting a lot as to why now is different than previous times in my life. I have learned a few things about myself as well as other people around me. I have always considered myself the type of person that chose to be happy and convinced myself that every morning, no matter what happens, I would be happy. This choice has gotten me through some difficult times. Not that I was able to always be happy. Heaven knows dealing with changes like my baby girl growing up and moving out was sometimes too much for me to bear. I did however have some really great friends around me to encourage me to look forward and keep moving when my emotions stunted me. I am also very grateful that I was able to use my talents of music to work through my emotions at that time.
I am so very grateful that I have the friends that I do and even more grateful now that I have the wonderful husband that I do in Ryan. I learned that for me a true sense of happiness can only come when I am serving and nurturing others. When my amazing daughter Brittnie grew up and moved out I felt very lost and unsure of what to do with myself. I no longer had someone depending on me for their daily care. My mother put it pretty clearly when she said "It feels like someone cut off your arm when your kids move out". A huge part of my life was suddenly missing.
Thanks to a fun girls night out for karaoke I met the man that would fill my need for someone to care for and nurture. To those of you who do not yet know my amazing husband Ryan, let me tell you a little bit about him. Ryan is a wonderful man who always sees others needs before his own and would rather go hungry than see anyone else, whether he knows them or not, go hungry. I have seen numerous times that he has provided a meal for someone struggling or even just gave his last little bit of money to someone who needed it more than he did. I don't think there is ever a time when he passes a homeless person and doesn't wonder how he can help them right then and then act on it immediately. I also see him instilling these same values to his ten year old daughter constantly. Ryan is also a combat veteran who has seen some horrible things and lost 13 of his fellow brothers while deployed overseas as a soldier. This is caused my amazing husband severe PTSD. Knowing a little how this can effect you from my own personal past I understand him a bit more than the average person would. I understand that he needs to be encouraged and nurtured and loved more than a typical husband would need to be. Strangely enough I need to be able to encourage and nurture and love someone more than the average wife would need to. It's who I am. I must have someone to care for to be truly happy. I found my someone and my life has never felt more perfect.
Certainly caring for a combat veteran is not for the average person. I think you must be endowed with an extra spoonful of understanding and two extra spoonfuls of patience and you have to be able to function on less sleep than the average person. I have honestly been grateful that he needs me as much as he does. I found my perfect match, someone who needs me as much as I need to be needed. I am blessed that he is also incredibly grateful for everything that I do for him. Just typical wife stuff like cooking and keeping a clean home seem to be things that he really appreciates and he refuses to let me get the final word in who loves who more. He may think he loves me more but really I love him more and more every day for the wonderful man that he is and the wonderful example he is setting for his daughter about how to live life.
So in closing just remember that happiness is different for every person. For me happiness is having someone who really needs me and loves that I care for their needs. I need to be needed. Happiness is also found by doing things for others. Ryan has already earned every single thing I could do for him by his willingness to care for all the others he has helped in their time of need. I am truly happy now and very very grateful that I met the man of my dreams that completes my life.
I urge each and every one of you to find that one thing that you need to make you happy and seek it. Help others, give your time and your last dollar to someone less fortunate than you and you will find you get more for that time and that dollar than you ever would have if you had spent it on yourself.