The Great Bat Massacre of '86

 Shortly after our family moved to Idaho we discovered that a large colony of bats had decided to make our humble abode their home as well. We discovered the colony in our very large attic and to avoid having them come throughout the remainder of the home unwanted my Dad and "Uncle John" determined that we needed to exterminate them.

Now being from a family that always put the safety of us children first we were instructed to don long sleeved shirts and put on one of Dads gazillion hats. We all did so and their was an air of excitement coursing through each of us siblings and Johns sons who had chosen to take part. We each carefully chose the weapon we would be using. My weapon of choice was a tennis racket but others had chosen weapons such as baseball bats, 2x4's, BB guns and pellet guns. We were armed to the teeth and ready for war!

As we each ascended the spiral staircase made from raw split logs we admired the workmanship and each step towards the top took us further and further away from the trivial things of our childhood as we each ascended to the rank of Private in the coming war. We were soldiers and we were ready.

We stood there looking around determining which bats to kill first and Dad and John had determined that two sheets of plywood leaning against the wall held the vast majority of the bats between them. He and John ran at the plywood and with a deafening thud the cracking and crunching of thousands of tiny bones signaled that the massacre had begun.

Left and right bats began taking flight to save their lives and left and right children and grown men were swatting them out of the air to crush beneath our feet or shoot with the BB and Pellet guns. Arms were flailing everywhere brandishing weapons as bat after bat was knocked from flight to its certain death. One or more bats were knocked between tennis racket and baseball bat multiple times as we played a gruesome game of "I bet I can hit my sibling with a dead bat". Not a game for the faint of heart.

As the massacre wound to an end and few bats remained lying on the floor having yet to be completely dispatched, I insisted that I wanted to shoot one too.  Someone handed me the BB gun and I pointed it sure and true right at its stomach and pulled the trigger. Did you know that a bat will survive that? Cocking the BB gun again I pointed it directly at its tiny head and more specifically directly into its open mouth with its tiny fangs and pulled the trigger.

The battle for our home was now over. We had defeated the flying vermin and we were true soldiers having fought on the front lines of extermination and not one soldier was lost.